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I’VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE – BIG H & THE PINK SLIPS | Howard Goldthwaite

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I’VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE – BIG H AND THE PINK SLIPS

 

Finding a job is the hardest work there is.
Especially these days.
This is the story of one man’s search to find a job. Any job.

I wonder what food stamps taste like - I've Applied Everywhere

 

TOTIN’ MY BRIEFCASE TO ANOTHER INTERVIEW - I've Applied EverywhereINTRO:

I WAS TOTIN’ MY BRIEFCASE TO ANOTHER INTERVIEW,

JUST TRYING TO MAKE AN HONEST LIVING LIKE I USED TO.

I WAITED FOR THE HR GUY TO COME ALONG,

THEN HE ASKED IF I’D BEEN LOOKING VERY LONG.

SO I SETTLED INTO IN MY PLASTIC FOLDING CHAIR,

AND SAID, “YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE OUT THERE.”

 

I’VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE, MAN

AIN’T NO JOBS ANYWHERE, MAN

I’VE HIT UP EVERY JOB FAIR, MAN

THIS MARKET’S BEEN A REAL BEAR, MAN

I WANNA STAY OFF WELFARE, MAN

I’VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE.

 

1

I’VE BEEN TO EXXON, CHEVRON, AMAZON, RAYTHEON - I've Applied EverywhereI’VE BEEN TO EXXON, CHEVRON, AMAZON, RAYTHEON,

INTEL, NORTEL, HORMEL, HONEYWELL,

SUNOCO, NABISCO, TEXACO, PEPSICO,

CITIGROUP, CAMPBELL’S SOUP, MOTOROLA, COCA-COLA,

GOLDMAN SACHS, EQUIFAX, OFFICE MAX, TURTLEWAX.

FRITO LAY, FANNIE MAE… I HOPE THEY KEPT MY RESUME.

 

I’VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE, MAN`

AIN’T NO JOBS ANYWHERE, MAN

I’VE HIT UP EVERY JOB FAIR, MAN

THIS MARKET’S BEEN A REAL BEAR, MAN

I WANNA STAY OFF WELFARE, MAN

I’VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE.

 

2

WALMART, KMART, OFFICE MART, PETSMART - I've Applied EverywhereI’VE BEEN TO WALMART, KMART, OFFICE MART, PETSMART,

WALGREENS, JIMMY DEAN, LL BEAN, DAIRY QUEEN,

CADBURY’S, BEN & JERRYS, MAGNAVOX, JACK IN THE BOX,

FREDDIE MAC, CADILLAC, RADIO SHACK, AFLAC,

TERMINIX, MOTEL 6, WESTINGHOUSE, WAFFLE HOUSE,

MAC TRUCKS, STARBUCKS… MAN THIS SUCKS

 

I’VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE, MAN

AIN’T NO JOBS ANYWHERE, MAN

I’VE HIT UP EVERY JOB FAIR, MAN

THIS MARKET’S BEEN A REAL BEAR, MAN

I WANNA STAY OFF WELFARE, MAN

I’VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE.

 

3

I’VE BEEN TO GM, 3M, IBM, M&Ms - I've Applied EverywhereI’VE BEEN TO GM, 3M, IBM, M&Ms,

GE, BP, GNC, EMC,

NBC, ABC, CBS, PBS,

eBAY, GSK, J&J, SPECIAL K,

P&G, TMZ, UPS, CVS,

NFL, AOL… I GUESS I’M SOL.

 

I’VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE, MAN

AIN’T NO JOBS ANYWHERE, MAN

I’VE HIT UP EVERY JOB FAIR, MAN

THIS MARKET’S BEEN A REAL BEAR, MAN

I WANNA STAY OFF WELFARE, MAN

I’VE EVEN APPLIED ONLINE IN MY UNDERWEAR, MAN.

 

4

IV’E BEEN TO VIACOM, QUALCOMM, BROADCOM - I've Applied EverywhereIV’E BEEN TO VIACOM, QUALCOMM, BROADCOM, UNISOM

GOODYEAR, JOHN DEERE, NO FEAR, MILLER BEER,

CISCO, TESCO, COSTCO, RONCO,

COLGATE, ALLSTATE, EGG BEATERS, ODOR-EATERS,

CELANESE, MICKEY D’S, BURT’S BEES, CHUCKIE CHEESE

YAHOO, BROWN SHOE… AND THAT’S JUST TO NAME A FEW!

 

THIS MARKET’S BEEN A REAL BEAR - I've Applied EverywhereI’VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE, MAN

AIN’T NO JOBS ANYWHERE, MAN

I’VE HIT UP EVERY JOB FAIR, MAN

THIS MARKET’S BEEN A REAL BEAR, MAN

I WANNA STAY OFF WELFARE, MAN

I’VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE.

 

SPOKEN:

I can work nights and weekends - I've Applied EverywhereOf course, I can work nights and weekends.

 

Sure, 70 hours a week is about normal.

 

No extra pay for overtime? Not a problem.

 

You do have paid sick leave? Oh, we pay you? OK.

 

No dental insurance? Well, as long as you got a couple of teeth that’s all you really need.

 

You do have paid vacation?… as long as we take it at work. And keep on working. Fair enough.

 

Well, this sounds like a real nice place to work.

 

Oh, you want me to send the next person in? Will do.

 

Thanks for your time.

 

Next.

 

I wonder what food stamps taste like, anyway.

“I’VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE” BY BIG H AND THE PINK SLIPS

"I'VE APPLIED EVERYWHERE" BY BIG H AND THE PINK SLIPS

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